Beyond Generalizations

The following paragraph repeats rather than develops ideas. The writer never provides specific detail to prove her point nor does she go beyond making generalizations similar to what she indicates in the topic sentence (in bold).

The added life experience that a year off before college gives to the student is a great advantage to the student's appreciation of their [sic] time, not only in regards to the time spent in college, but also to the benefits a college degree can and does bring. The broadened perspectives that either time abroad or time spent working can bring are undeniable. These experiences lead the participant to better appreciate so much of their [sic] life, not only their [sic] college opportunity. With more experience behind them, the student(s) will know what their studies, and subsequent degree, will bring for them outside the narrow world of academia. This knowledge will lead the student to work hard while in college because of the benefits of what comes after completion. More experience before college, i.e. an interim year off, will add value in the student's eyes of their college education because of the real world knowledge and experience they have.

To make the paragraph more specific, start by clarifying the scope of the main idea. The main idea expressed in the topic sentence in the paragraph above is broad enough to serve as the thesis of a paper—much too broad for a single paragraph. Once you have focused your main idea, you will find you have more to say on the subject. Vague statements are hard to explain. Next, use specific examples to illustrate your topic sentence. Be descriptive. Refer to a particular person, a particular time, a particular place.

Two possible revisions of the paragraph above:

A. The added life experience students can gain by taking a year off from school after high school will help them choose their majors wisely. Fresh out of high school, few young adults have clearly defined goals or realistic expectations for their lives after college. As a result, they often do not know what they want to study at the university. One of my roommates admitted to me once that he chose his major, Structural Engineering, without knowing anything about it; he had practically no idea what he would study or if he would enjoy a career in the field. Unfortunately, his experience is common. No wonder so many students here at Cal Poly switch majors several times before they graduate or decide to work in fields unrelated to their degrees once they have earned them. They'd be better off taking a cue from students like my friend Alyson. Instead of going straight to college, Alyson spent the year she graduated from high school traveling and working in Europe. While there, she became fascinated by the architecture she encountered. When she returned to the U.S., she enrolled in Cal Poly's Architecture program. Now graduated and working in the field of her choice, she has never regretted her decision to take the time to think and weigh her options instead of joining the herd of her friends blindly stampeding towards college. If Alyson's example is any indication, more high school seniors should consider taking the long route to higher education.

B. The added life experience students can gain by taking a year off from school after high school will help them choose their majors wisely. Fresh out of high school, few young adults have clearly defined goals or realistic expectations for their lives after college. As a result, they often do not know what they want to study at the university. One of my roommates admitted to me once that she chose her major, Structural Engineering, without knowing anything about it; she had practically no idea what she would study or if she would enjoy a career in the field. Unfortunately, her experience is common. No wonder so many students here at Cal Poly change majors several times before they graduate, or even decide to work in fields unrelated to the degrees they have worked so hard to earn. My friend Alyson is an exception to this general rule. She spent the year after high school traveling and working in Europe. While in Copenhagen, Denmark, she found the city's creative layout and use of public space intriguing; as she continued in her travels, her interest in urban architecture flourished. When she returned to the U.S., she enrolled in Cal Poly's Architecture program. Now graduated and working the field of her choice, she has never regretted her decision to take the time to think and explore rather than joining the herd of her friends stampeding towards college. Her one year hiatus from school gave her an informed sense of purpose and motivation, qualities all students need.